Friday, November 21, 2008

The Eww! of the Apocalypse

**WARNING: If you don't like even thinking of a woman's menstrual cycle, let alone like reading about it, then this post is not for you. If you keep reading, you may find yourself in the middle of a bloody mess. Heh. **

What would you do if you were a woman who was still menstruating, and an apocalypse of some form hit?

As some of you may know, I am a fan of the show Jericho. No really, I am (hee!). So, as a consequence of my love for this show, I have been exposed to some lovely people who consider themselves Survivalists, and it got me really thinking about what a person would need to survive if some horrible, The-Shit-Hits-The-Fan scenario happened. Since I live in a city, my best bet is to get the hell out of Dodge ASAP, but what then? Stashes of canned food, water and medicine are the things we all think of. Conserving, growing your own food, basic sewing and handyman skills would be helpful. Those of us living here in New York City were encouraged to assemble a Go Bag after 9/11 filled with things like ID, money, solar radio, and stuff like that.

Then one day, my roommate and I were talking about what we would do in that kind of a scenario, and it dawned on us, what about our periods? Should we start stockpiling maxi pads and tampons, just in case? If we're hustling outta town, how big of a pack would you need to carry your freakin' feminine hygiene products?!! It was a dilemma that gave me pause, and a subject I hadn't seen discussed in my limited exposure to my Survivalist friends (maybe because most of them are either men, or post-menopausal women).

Imagine my glee, when the greenies over at Grist decided to do a test drive of the eco-friendly fem products out there for us planet friendly types. Turns out, there is an answer to my dilemma, and it doesn't include carrying a heeee-oooooge bag full of Seventh Generation Maxi Pads (Although those suckers are completely awesome! Really, give them a shot, you will LOVE them).

All right ladies (and curious gents), time to suck it up, this is where is gets a little dicey for you squeamish types.

The first option? The Keeper. A reusable menstrual cup that would replace your tampon. It is made of latex (they have a silicone one too for the latex allergic), and you just empty that sucker, rinse it out, and reinsert. The maker says they last for ten years. Plenty long enough to get you through a pretty hearty apocalypse, IMO.

For those of you like me, who have a hard time with those applicator free tampons, and the thought of using a diaphragm makes you kinda uncomfortable, there is the second option, the Lunapad. A washable maxi that comes in pretty colors and many different sizes, to accommodate our varying levels of the crimson tide.

Both of these options would fit nicely in your Go Bag, and with all the stress of a potential apocalypse, the last thing you would want is to have to worry about finding a non-looted stash of disposable Lady products when the inevitable time-of-the-month rolls around.

If you'd like to read up on the brave testers comments on these and other green-like Lady products, you can find the results on Grist here (pads), and here (cups and tampons).

My advice? If you have even the slightest hint of the paranoia I have, get yourself one of these doo-dads just in case, and throw it in with your extra ID and protein bars. Plenty of women are using them as we speak. Me, I have not gotten so green that I am ready to make the leap, but I have switched to a healthier disposable, and that is better than nothin'.


Anonymous said...

Ok for reals? This is one of my favorite entries. It is well written, interesting and freaking HILARIOUS. Jennifer is visiting and she just asked me what I was laughing about. Seriously, great one.
and Not for Nothin. I am thinking that cup thing isn't a bad idea. You know I am ten times more paranoid than you are about the end of the end.

auntvonna said...

LOL, great entry! I honestly hadn't really thought about that aspect of surviving! Good to know we have options available other than carrying the giant sack of feminine protection products!!! Thanks for the laugh and the valuable info!!

Beth said...

Diva Cup!